Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Artisan Crafts / Hobbyist See the universe in your heart..Female/Germany Groups :iconkiryuakiclub: kiryuakiclub
Kyosuke x Aki
Recent Activity
Deviant for 12 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 1,274 Deviations 28,939 Comments 139,977 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Caught Fall by Crystal-Dream Caught Fall :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 15 18 Mewtwo learning affection - part 1 by Crystal-Dream Mewtwo learning affection - part 1 :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 18 25 A Girl and her Pikachu by Crystal-Dream A Girl and her Pikachu :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 8 5 Mimikyu plushies (FOR SALE) by Crystal-Dream Mimikyu plushies (FOR SALE) :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 21 22 Ichitaka and Claire by Crystal-Dream Ichitaka and Claire :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 15 13 Yubel by Crystal-Dream Yubel :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 12 17 April Pear by Crystal-Dream April Pear :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 6 22 Aquarius Clone and Pisces Woman by Crystal-Dream Aquarius Clone and Pisces Woman :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 21 11 A Pikachu Love by Crystal-Dream A Pikachu Love :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 35 15 Double Meme Nr. 2 by Crystal-Dream Double Meme Nr. 2 :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 5 9 Dimensional Faller by Crystal-Dream Dimensional Faller :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 18 4 Fairy in my Hands by Crystal-Dream Fairy in my Hands :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 10 10 Double Meme by Crystal-Dream Double Meme :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 12 27 Caterpie Plush by Crystal-Dream Caterpie Plush :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 8 21 Together and Happy by Crystal-Dream Together and Happy :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 5 6 Down here by Crystal-Dream Down here :iconcrystal-dream:Crystal-Dream 7 6

deviantID

Crystal-Dream's Profile Picture
Crystal-Dream
See the universe in your heart..
Artist | Hobbyist | Artisan Crafts
Germany
Hello, I am Monika, or Crystal-Dream, or also known as JamaiDark from youtube.com.
I am a plushie knitter, love to draw my own manga called "Eternal Purity" and have also took a liking into fandubbing.
I am a fan of Sonic the hedgehog, but also like YuGiOh GX and 5Ds so much, as well as Neon Genesis Evangelion, Ghost in the Shell and some more.
Hope you enjoy your stay here. :)

My Girlfriend: :iconpuschelhuhn:

Pantheist Stamp by SqueezyBat Anti-anti-shipper by Lthecat The Internet by SA948-Stamps

Polish language level EXPERT by TheFlagandAnthemGuy German Level Expert Stamp by Xenophilith USA Language Level stamp4 by Faeth-design French 3 by Faeth-design
[Comm.] MewtwoXMonika Stamp by TheKitsuneAlchemist [Comm.] ShadowXBriny Stamp by TheKitsuneAlchemist The Kitsune Alchemist Support Stamp by TheKitsuneAlchemist shadriny forever... by Shaylo-Artistry Jamai stamp by HeykeetheBat
Mewtwo stamp by PrinzeBurnzo Mega Mewtwo X by Marlenesstamps Gift : Mewtwo Stamp by Miss--Liberty Young Mewtwo Stamp by KaidaTheDragon Mewtwo Love Stamp by SquirtleStamps

Arukeni x Mummy stamp by LadyBeelze :Stamp: Arukenimon II by Bunloaf BlackWarGreymon Stamp by Thunderbirmon Lunamon Stamp by DrDoomy
STAMP: Glasses by Emotikonz Favorite Characters Stamp by Stamp221 Pikachu Stamp by Kezzi-Rose I Talk to Myself Stamp by Latias-Flyer Legendary Parade Stamp by The-Emerald-Otter
Fanartist Stamp by Feniiku Love Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Art Geek Stamp by xoxostudios German Shepherd Love Stamp by cloudrat Why I boycotted fandoms. by lostforeveragain
Team Valor Pokemon GO stamp by Star121 Jonton Stamp by FliteWulf FRIENDS STAMP by emo-city Celebi Fan Stamp by Skymint-Stamps Celebi x Mew stamp (late birthday gift) by MandolinC
Kill La Kill Stamp 2 by wow1076 Paint Tool SAI Stamp by Energyzed

Shadriny Fan Button by Shaylo-Artistry Briny Fan Button by Shaylo-Artistry

Made for me:
Mewtonika Fan Button by Shaylo-Artistry Mewtonika Forever by Shaylo-Artistry

Favourite genre of music: Dance/Trance/House
Operating System: Windows Vista
Favourite cartoon character: Mewtwo, Kiryu, Yubel, Aki, Juudai, Arukenimon and Mummymon
Personal Quote: See the universe inside your heart..

Secondary account: thesecretgalaxy (DON'T go there if you can't bear Yaoi/Yuri)
Interests

Pride

ALL LOVE IS EQUAL

Made with pride by the DeviantArt community

Activity


Is there anyone who wants to buy some of my things? I am currently putting up some of my already finished custom plushies on ebay.

www.ebay.de/itm/201952778603?s…

www.ebay.de/itm/201952765350?s…

I also wonder if I should just put up that one DVD on there as well? It's a still sealed, english version of the first movie (which my best friend just gave to me, and it only contains the english version. I own the german DVD, which is a bit superior to the english-only version, as it also has the first movie in five different languages on the same DVD!)
20170611 154050 by Crystal-Dream 20170611 154102 by Crystal-Dream
I have officially been diagnosed as having Avoidant Personality Disorder by my therapist today. Suddenly my whole life is making sense to me.
My application for the Simon Fraser University just got accepted today and IN TIME! Like, right before the deadline tomorrow on the 1st June.
I am so relieved, and can finally sleep peacefully at night again.
I have been digging through my old picture collections, and have found art that I drew from around the years 1999 - 2001. I wonder if I should upload them here, but I also could just drop them here for your amusement:
Speichern0033 by Crystal-Dream
Speichern0043 by Crystal-Dream
Speichern0051 by Crystal-Dream
Speichern0052 by Crystal-Dream
I hope I will be back to drawing again soon. So far, I have been busy with with sewing plush toys - I made a Pikachu-colored Mimikyu and started on a Mew-Mimikyu.

But I feel that before I can start any new pictures, I need to finish my old linearts. I hate how they are incomplete.

Do you also always get this feeling of frustration when you find unfinished artwork?

Donate

Crystal-Dream has started a donation pool!
0 / 1,000
If you wish to donate. :)

You must be logged in to donate.
No one has donated yet. Be the first!
  • Listening to: my IPod
  • Reading: raisedbynarcissists on reddit
  • Playing: Fire Emblem: Echoes
Hello Everyone,

I don't even know why I am just putting it out there for everyone to read, but... I guess after I openly admitted to being suicidal in one poll, I could explain more about the events that followed.
After reading all the comments and opening up to loved ones about this, I finally took the step to go and get psychiatric help. Anti-depressants helped me very much at first, but I got told I also needed to see a therapist. While I was nervous, I was also very excited about this, because I was finally going to get an answer for what is wrong with me and what I felt has been wrong with me my entire life.
My therapist is an awesome woman who is very kind and understanding, so it was easy to open up to her and simply tell her about things as they are. I told her about my childhood, my narcissistic mother and co-dependant father and how we never talked about feelings in my family. How I got told into my face that my parents created me to be their obedient slave and to fill a black hole in their lives. How I was relentlessly bullied at school and many more things.
 
Yesterday, after several sessions, I got my diagnosis and answer. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant…

And this explains everything in my life. I was rejected by my parents and by my peers in early life. And because AvPD-people do not get unconditional love, they instead flee into a dream world. This is why Mewtwo means so much to me and has for over 17 years - he is a representation of ideal, unconditional love to me, the one thing I long for the most. I also understand now why I am the way I am in love relationships... my first boyfriend was someone who lived an ocean away from me because I would not be able to cope with someone being near and close to me. That relationship was an up and down, and I constantly feared that I will be rejected by him as this is something that always happened before, and it got to a point where I was the one to end the relationship just to get this inevitable outcome over with earlier. I had felt like I trapped him into an unhappy relationship and it was my duty to set him free. And now he is married with a kid while I felt convinced that yes, I am unlovable garbage and worthless and I should die.

I get why this one fiasco with that tumblr hate blog making fun of my pairing with Mewtwo hurt me so much - because it was rejection again and on top of that they violated my idea of unconditional love, giving me the feeling that I am indeed undeserving of that.

I also now recognize why I am on Deviantart in the first place... because I have so much trouble opening up to people in real life, I try reaching out to others through my art, to search out like-minded people. And it had some success, as I have found friends here who have become very dear to me, some of them even walking every step with me through the road of recovery even though they don't have to do this.

I always felt like an outsider looking in, disconnected from everyone around me. Even in a city full of people and during crowded events, I feel entirely alone. Currently, I live alone in a lonely apartment, just myself, and barely go out any more, except to buy groceries or do important things like filing my taxes.

The thing I am wondering about now is... how to cope with this diagnosis. It means that I was right in feeling that something is wrong with me and I am indeed as defective as I have suspected all along. I cannot stop laughing at the irony though that I have chosen the career path of a scientist - which is a horror for anyone with AvPD, because the core requirement for a scientist is interaction - but how can you interact with anyone on an acceptable level if you fear their judgement with every communication? Phone calls make me jump up in terror every time. I can only check emails when I calm down myself beforehand. Scientists have to defend the results of their research against criticism, the one thing AvPDs cannot handle.

I can't stop laughing at the irony that I have made my life harder than it should be by devoting years of my life to becoming a scientist when this is exactly what I am not fit to do psychologically. Suddenly I get why every job interview ended in disaster, they must have felt and seen that something is wrong with me. And the problem is that Germans are especially judgemental of people; it is a very stifling country to live in for someone like me. Canada has been the exact opposite in my experience. People were all open and friendly and I never feared judgements from others or strangers there. Hence why I connect so many good memories to that place and why I want to return there for longer.

Even if I hate myself so much, I guess one thing I admire is that I have immense courage. I try the dangerous things even if I fear them at first. Planning to go to America all on my own was risky; writing my Master thesis in Vancouver was terrifying at the beginning; working in a drama club and acting on stage was terrifying. Holding a speech in front of the entire school was too, yet those are all things I did despite my limitations. Well, and also showing the naked honesty of myself online, like I am doing right now. While this is also a very risky thing to do (because you never know with trolls around), I think it is worth it to share this, even if only to show someone else who has this that they are not alone.

Thank you reading this if you made it this far.
I think I need a few days to stomach this diagnosis and where to go from here on out.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconlucasfan375:
Lucasfan375 Featured By Owner 22 hours ago  Hobbyist Filmographer
Hey, Crystal! Can we do a Mewtwo RP?
Reply
:iconsonicfangarcia119:
sonicfangarcia119 Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2017  Student Artisan Crafter
Hi^^
Reply
:iconcrystal-dream:
Crystal-Dream Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hello, it's nice to meet you!
Reply
:iconsonicfangarcia119:
sonicfangarcia119 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017  Student Artisan Crafter
Hi nice to meet too^^ your art is cute X3
Reply
:iconcrystal-dream:
Crystal-Dream Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2017  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you! Your Art is cute as well!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconseiyaslove:
SeiyasLove Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Vielen Dank für dein watch!😊 freut mich sehr!
Deine Plüschies sehen echt niedlich aus. Ich schau mal auf YouTube nach dir 😊
Reply
:iconmkl91:
mkl91 Featured By Owner Edited May 19, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
I draw for you Crystal-dream and Mewtwo.Draw me Melissa I human and pikachu please?
Reply
:iconcrystal-dream:
Crystal-Dream Featured By Owner Edited May 19, 2017  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Okay, sure! Do you have any picture of Melissa I can use as a reference?
Or should I draw Melissa like she is shown here? I'm here for you Abigail
Reply
:iconmkl91:
mkl91 Featured By Owner May 19, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Reply
:iconcrystal-dream:
Crystal-Dream Featured By Owner May 20, 2017  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Okay, I will draw Melissa like this then.
Reply
Add a Comment: